The Stern Dirty Dozen

Preface

As a service to all of the beautiful ladies at Stern, the gentlemen of SMIB have put together the following list of guys to avoid. Don't let these guys fool you, they are very dangerous and are known for breaking multiple hearts. These guys give all men a bad name and we are ashamed to be associated with such low life characters. Without any further delay, SMIB gives you the Stern Dirty Dozen:

Dave "Supercuts" Lifeso This All-American heartthrob goes from 0 to in love within 3.2 seconds. He gets taken down faster than Pamela Anderson at a Harley Davidson convention. Good luck seeing him out this year. His last love of the week wanted him to take hip hop dance classes. He failed. His pilates classes start next week. Lets keep our fingers crossed.

Felix "The Cat" Banuchi You're bound to here this line - "I'm a promoter, do you want to come to one of my parties?" Nobody has ever seen one of these parties, which leads us to believe he's referring to the party in his pants. To quote a 2nd year female, who shall remain nameless: "His apartment is amazing! I've never seen porn on a 100 inch screen before!"

Ross "So you think you can dance" Fenderson Just like AC Slater, he is the sweetest guy sober, but turns into the poster child for alcoholics anonymous after five beers. This guy parties like he was in Motley Crue. He recently obtained a groin injury, which he claims to be from breakdancing. We think it's really from another extracurricular activity.

Wajahat "Chemical" Ali By the looks of his fauxhawk, we are not sure if he is gay, psydo gay, or metrosexual...but he is something else... This guy holds the record for the most body cavity searches at airport security. Ladies, beware - we're sure he's looking to return the favor. By the way, the third floor of Stern gets hit regularly around 1:20PM with his "dirty bomb".

Roberto "She said she was 18" Berloni Have you ever met this guy? Us neither. Unless you still have a fake ID, you won't have to worry much about him. Guard your little sister.

"Super" Steve Byers Since pre-term, Super Steve thought he was the coolest guy in high school again. Known for attending the gym more than classes, this semi pro tri-athlete makes the ladies go crazy when he takes his shirt off. But only the ladies cuz unless you're a hot female Sternie, good luck getting the time of day from this cat. Also affectionately known as "Barnacle" Steve, since he latches onto a woman and follows them everywhere like the crustations that attach to the bottom of a boat.

Faiyaz "Twinkle Toes" Ferdousi Known for wearing more pink than the pink panther, this man will charm you with his edgy threads and seductive groin gyrations. Although this guy doesn't speak perfect English, his is very fluent in the language of love. His love lair at the Palladium awaits your arrival but make sure to bring your ID card. Beware of the unsolicited lap dance. This goes for the men as well.

Laurent "FCUSA" Jourdan This guy can talk more game than Pepe-le-pew but unlike the skunk, he has results. An anonymous MBA2, who was still fuming after he left her, said, "picks up women like the French fight wars, he just rolls over and begs.

Victor "Happy Hands" Coto We ask have you ever seen Coto, who is the largest holder of Visine stock, sober? An anonymous MBA2 female answered: "Sober? Who cares? Have you ever seen him not grab an ass at a club?" They may not have laws against it in Florida but that's illegal in New York son.

Matt "Clit-Clock" McClintock Although we still can't believe someone from a Florida Vo-Tech school got into Stern, this Abercrombie wanna-be can't walk past a mirror without checking himself out. He is known for attracting Stage-5 Clingers, and at 6'5", he looks like a periscope scanning the room for prey during Beer Blast. Even though this guy is in business school, you'd think he was studying for his OB-GYN.

Rafael "Rufinol" Tejada As a younger version of Ponch from ChiPs, he is known for breaking out the cuffs in heated moments. He will try to seduce you with his classic "Were experimenting" or "Wanna play doctor?" lines, but beware, he is known as Rufinol Tejada for a reason. The girls like him because he makes them feel a little dangerous...yet safe. If he gets your phone number be prepared for the random 3:30, 3:31, 3:32... drunken phone calls. After all, this kid is from El Salvador, a sunny place for shady people.

Joe "Uncle Rico" Arcadi Honestly, we have never seen this guy in class...is he really enrolled Stern? We don't think so, but he did enter the business plan competition with an idea for marketing breast enhancement pills. He's the only guy who's tried to date multiple female Sternies at the same time and expect to keep it on the DL. Needless to say, he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. By the way, if your name is Debbie, then chances are you have already hooked up with him. An anonymous MBA1 said "he asked me to play just the tip, just for a minute, to see how it feels...it felt good...and the leopard print thong he wore was the icing on the cake"

Stuart "The Big Div" Tomanek Half man, half amazing, this man is living proof that big dividends come in small packages. This guy won't choke you, but he'll give you a mouth full. We're not sure why he always has his hands down his pockets, but our sources indicate that if pocket pool was a Olympic sport, we're pretty sure that he would be a gold medallist.

Disclaimer: The names used above are fictitious and any resemblance to actual persons, either living or dead, is purely coincidental. SMIB does not take responsibility for any action caused by the reading of this article.