OMG! This Writer's Strike is Killing Me!

Hello beloved readers! My how I've missed you! I hope your breaks were wonderful.

I come to you now, with this first column of the New Year, to make a bit of a confession: I've been a bit down lately. See, the thing is, I have a pretty happy existence. I go to school, I have friends, I love my apartment, I'm moving to Playtex/Schickland and getting a cat; and most importantly, I have two wonderful boyfriends whom I see every night: Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. I know, I'm lucky and I do not take for granted the fact that I have not one, but two, intelligent, witty, adorable, multi-heighted boyfriends to see every night - sometimes over sushi and a glass of wine. Oh how I love them! Oh how complete my evenings can be!

And then the Writer's Strike happened. And they were gone. Not just them, but everyone…30 Rock, The Office…the frickin GOLDEN GLOBES (every year my friends and I watch that stuff! Every year I want to see Angie and Brad…what is wrong with you people? Have you no soul!?)

I'm pro-union and I blame evil corporate America (oh jeez, did I just say that in a business school paper?) for screwing with my life! Don't you understand that without Jon and Stephen I am forced to do OTHER things??? Like what? Well…

- Read. Seriously. And I'm not talking Allure or b-cases…I mean frickin Edith Wharton people. Edith Wharton!

- I have been reduced to watching I Love New York 2, Brett Michaels: Rock of Love 2, and old Gilmore Girl's episodes (which is slightly educational as I plan on moving to Star's Hollow).

- Went to Budapest for 2 weeks! OK, so that was great. It's the city of baths and goulash. Let's just say the bikini and the goulash did not mix by day 10. OMG, come over later to see my pics! There's only like 200 of them. See you tonight!

- Attempted to write new songs on the guitar. Funny, it was soooo easy to write them when I had angst and was 19…somehow songs about loan interest rates and my Decision Models class, aren't really sounding too awesome - even with a capo!

- And yes, loyal readers, I must admit…went back on j-date. I was REALLY bored. Also, my ex keeps yammering my ear off about his new 23-year-old waitress-girlfriend who's never seen The Godfather (eh, to each his own)…and…one thing led to another…and the stupid profile was back up (but this time with bangs!). I don't know what happened but when the dust settled it seems I'm seeing like four people and completely freaking out. One's not even through j-date - it's like some weird force of the Writer's Strike! And one is a 44-year-old widower with 3 kids (the oldest of whom is 19) and lives 7 hours away in CANADA. Yes all of what you just read is true. I have never met him in person. It is worth it just to say: "Yeah I have a boyfriend, you don't know him, he lives in Canada."

I must admit. I'm slightly in love.

I am slightly in love with a 44-year-old widower with three kids who lives in Canada and am also dating three people here in the city. Do you understand people? The Writer's Strike has to end! Otherwise who knows what could happen. Without Stewart and Colbert I have to do things…leave the house…develop bizarre lengthy fantasies about having Canadian babies that say "abooot" and "soooorry".

So I beg of you world - please end this Strike now! Give the writer's what they deserve and give me what I deserve: a quiet life of evenings with political commentary and alcoholic beverages.

Otherwise, you may be getting this phone call soon: "Um, Stern, it's me, Jocelyn. I don't think I'll be graduating…see I've developed this really great love of Hockey, and see Canada has socialized health care and my new Canadian babies can't really wait for me to take Damodaran. Oh if only the strike had ended…"

See you next time folks…. If there is a next time.