Love and the Central Limit Theorem

The advice column for all Stern MBAs; in which your fellow MBAs, Mary Kate and Ashley Stern provide all the answers to your relationship quandaries. by Mary Kate and Ashley Stern

Here at Stern our days are often concerned with finishing that group project or landing that internship. We are taught the ins and outs of accounting, networking, and ritualized drinking. And yet, something is lacking. Where is the support for our romantic entanglements? Who will guide us through any and all of our love issues when time is lacking and we are already committed to six clubs? Who is there to mentor us on how to land that investment banker, not just that investment job? OCD? We think not. Stepping in to this chasm in our curriculum is: "Love and the Central Limit Theorem," written by us, Mary Kate and Ashley Stern. Think of us as a much-needed addition to the Stern landscape (sure to improve our rankings). As this is our first column, we do not yet have a question. But in keeping with our theme of advice for our fellow students, we thought we would start off with a helpful guide to those MBA1s in long-term committed relationships who are just now completing Pre-Term and starting their time at Stern. In the first of many advice columns to come-send your questions (your identity will be held confidential) about anything love-, lust-, or Central Limit Theorem- related to sternlovequestions@gmail.com-we now generously distribute our romantic knowledge to you, our fellow MBAs:

Top 5 Rules to keeping your significant other happy while attending Stern

Rule #1: Make time for her/him. Yes it is important to bond with your block, but that excuse gets kind of old when it's been three days and all you can say to your girlfriend/boyfriend is "I'm so hung-over." Just say no that fourth beer and yes to seeing her/him.

Rule #2: Stop talking about business school. Nobody, apart from your parents or maybe your kids, gives a sh*t. You see that look he/she is giving you? That's boredom. That's someone mentally preparing a grocery list because a story about that one funny thing that one funny French guy in your study group said is so completely dull to everyone in the world but your fellow classmates that someone would rather mentally tune you out than actually listen to it. Do the following: "Hi sweetie, how are you and how is your life?" It will work, we swear!

Rule #3: Get her/him a present. They'll love it. Shows you care about them more than "networking." (An unwanted pack of Unilever products is not a present.)

Rule #4: Don't f' it up. There are a million new people you are meeting. It's all very exciting. They are not all your soul mate. You can't know that in two weeks. Don't be insane. Put down the drink. Go home. Trust us.

Rule #5: Stop talking to your classmates about your significant other. If you love your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/life-partner so much, go hang out with them…we are tired of hearing about it all the time.

Well this last rule is more for keeping everyone else at Stern happy, but you get the picture. Don't lose focus on all the other aspects of your life while starting this exciting journey. And so we end the first of many columns to come. Remember, if you want to know how to melt the heart of that future brand manager, or how to avoid that creepy guy who keeps staring at you in accounting, we're here for you. Just contact Mary Kate and Ashley-in confidentiality-at sternlovequestions@gmail.com and see your love problems answered right here in future columns to come. For now - good luck in class, and remember, take off the beer goggles now!