Bad Advice - Round 2!

Hey folks…did I say 4 boys? I meant one - maybe. (Darn you - oppy curse!)….

In other news, lately, I've noticed a lot of "OMG I'm graduating soon" faces round school. Or is that just the mirror I constantly gaze into? Anyway - this means lots of self-analysis - something I adore (I wish I could have it as a specialization, but is 5 too many?) - and lots of people asking my advice! As a reminder, I give terrible advice and cannot help you. Ever. But it's fun to play right? Let's see what peeps are asking me now (most likely via passed note…man I'm gonna miss school):

Should I propose to my girlfriend or buy a house?

Hey man…it's staring you in the face: propose with the house. It will be great…trust me. There you are, sitting at some beautiful restaurant or in the country or wherever people do this stuff these days (hot air balloons?), and you get down on one knee, take her hand in yours and say… "Dear sweet girlfriend whom I adore, will you spend the rest of your life with me and take on a 30 year mortgage for this starter condo with stainless steel appliances and an easy walk to the soon-to-be built 2nd Avenue subway line? Here's a picture."

"Yes, yes! A thousand times yes!"

In all seriousness, why is a ring needed? My mother didn't have an engagement ring because she and my dad were, oh how can I put it, what do you call it, um, "broke". I honestly expected the last bf, after we had been living together and dating forever, to propose to me with something awesome like a Wii or a Playstation. (OK, bad example)…but seriously…hypothetical husband of the future - I don't need a ring…I'd be psyched if you proposed with a puppy or a gift certificate to Anthropologie…thanks!

I'm hotter than that guy right?

Totally. You're really frickin' hot. Wait, what guy? I can't tell. I only start noticing the guys at school when they're in their post-"I got an offer"-phase and stop shaving and start dressing like the unemployed awkward musicians I'm attracted to. I love when that season comes around. But yeah, you're totally hotter than that guy. Duh.

I'm hotter than her right?

OMG people…you are all in business school. This is not America's Next Top Model (though it would be AWESOME if it were. God if Tyra and Nigel just showed up in my Politics & Power class I would cry!). Shouldn't we all be caring a bit more about other stuff, like I don't know…school or jobs or something? You guys like my hair though right? Oh my god I'm so ugly!

So this guy that I've been seeing, he keeps canceling regular dates but he texts me all the time but only at like 2 AM or 3 AM…like last night I got this one that said "Hey you up for a night cap?" - what do you think that means?

Clearly it means that he's really interested in your awesome personality and how totally smart you are and what an amazing future you have. I'm pretty sure that he's already told his parents about you. If I were you, next time he sends you one of those adorable text messages late at night, just to show you that he's thinking about you…respond with the following:

"Not up for a night cap but am in the middle of deciding on the food for our rehearsal dinner and could really use your opinion. Love you forever and ever…PS I'm ovulating."

Anyway...I hope I've made some of your more difficult decisions easier with this terrible advice I've just given. This is going to be a great semester…I can just tell!

See you next time folks. [And be sure to submit your ideas for this year's follies at 2008sternfollies@gmail.com - not like I care or anything - I just think you'd have a good time and stuff - not like I'm involved or have a personal stake or anything…whatevs.]